Hardest of Hearts
by Chasing.Twilight
Summary: there is love in your body, but you can't get it out. a collection of sydrian drabbles, post TGL.
1. The Window

_Hi there! So this is an on-going collection of the Sydrian fics I write (which I've been posting on my blog) but decided to post here because every time I come looking for new Sydrian fics there aren't really any, and I figured there might be other people in that same position so… I'd give you something to read. They're all unrelated and not very long (check my account for my longer sydrian fic) but they're just a bit of fun. So, enjoy!_

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_1. The Window_

Sydney wasn't happy about this: not at all.

But she couldn't refuse a direct order from the Alchemists, and so with a painful awareness of everything hanging between them, she'd driven the suburu to Adrian's apartment and was currently perched awkwardly on the yellow couch, fingers wrapped around a can of diet coke. Despite things being tense between them, he'd still had his fridge stocked for her. She tried not to think about that.

The boy in question was staring out the window; the same window that had seen two of their most important moments together. Her mind didn't linger too long on the first important moment, when he'd told her he could paint her. She couldn't allow him to do anything of the sort. She was unable, however, to drag her mind from the second moment, probably the best but the most painful they had shared. Throughout her relationship with Brayden, she'd begun to wonder if there was something wrong with her. Surely, a kiss shouldn't be so… bland. There had never been anything romantic between the pair of them, not really. It was robotic. He'd wanted to kiss her (could she ever actually claim she'd wanted to kiss him?) so she'd allowed him. That's what people who were dating did.

But what about people who were in-

She shook her head. It wasn't appropriate to think about. It wasn't _worth_ thinking about. Sydney had spent a long time practising her self control. Shutting herself down to emotion and using her brain was her forte. Emotions? They were volatile. They were passionate. They were dangerous. Brayden's 'lack of control' the night they'd discovered Sonya was missing hadn't been like Adrian's at all, and the thought made her heart race a little faster. _Adrian_ was dangerous. _That. She could have that_.

No, she couldn't.

Almost as if he'd heard her thoughts, Adrian turned and crossed his arms, surveying her. Her skin felt as if it was burning from the places his intense gaze touched, roaming over her face and down to her necklace.

"You said the Alchemists sent you," he began, his tone neutral. Sydney nodded. "What is it exactly -" he chose his words carefully, "that you need from me?"

"I want -"

"Oh, no, Sydney," he said, cutting her off, the intensity of his gaze increasing, if that was possible. "We both know what you _want_, and this isn't it."

She looked away quickly and cleared her throat. Another time, before all of this, she would have snapped back at him in the quick way they were both used to. But this wasn't a friendly game any more. This was a deadly game, and Adrian was going in for the kill.

"Why can't you just admit it, Sydney?" Again, he used her first name. It was serious when he did that, but she stood up quickly, brushing his question off.

"This was a mistake," she said, picking up her purse and crossing to the door. "I'll -"

Faster than she knew he could move, he was in front of her, blocking her path to the door.

"The only mistake here is you denying your feelings," he growled. "Sage, I know you think we can't be together because of the Alchemists but -"

"It's what I've been told my entire life, Adrian! What do you expect me to do? I don't know anything different."

"You know me," he said softly, his eyes becoming molten fire. He stepped close and she stepped back.

"You know what they'll do to me?" she whispered, holding a hand up to stop him. "If they knew I - that we kissed? If they knew the truth, I'd…" she trailed off and a faraway look took over her features. Adrian wondered where he'd lost her to this time. "I'd never see you again."

"I wouldn't let that happen," he said, and the conviction in his voice was strong enough that Sydney almost believed him. But she also knew the Alchemists.

She shot him a weak smile. "There's not any amount of money in the world that could save me from that, Adrian."

She ducked around him and to the door. She started to open it but he was there again, this time with a hand rested on the door frame next to her, trapping her in the protective circle his body made around her. She swallowed hard and looked up at him.

"Adrian…"

He ducked his head closer to her, tilting it slightly to stop just in front of her lips, ghosting against them in a touch that sent her heart and her mind reeling. They seemed to be joined in battle at this point, urging her on silently: _kiss him, Sydney._

She took in a deep breath to clear her head, but it was useless. All it did was send his familiar smell spiralling through her and entwining in the deepest parts of her, pulling her close to him. Hesitantly, she leant forward, catching his lips between her own. Adrian, sensing the battle had been won, moved forward to press her against anything that could let him kiss her harder - but the door was already open, creating a barrier between them, one that stopped him from touching her and crushed her as he pushed against it. She gasped and broke away from him as the pressure fell on her and he quickly stepped away. Instantly he could see the horror in her eyes - _what have I done_ - and his heart plummeted as she slipped from the gap and ran back to her car.

He called after her, but it was useless. And so, Adrian returned to the window, wondering where this memory would fall in importance when the final chapter of their story had been written.


	2. Rome

_2. Rome_

Sydney had to admit, there were worse jobs.

It was a cool Saturday afternoon and there was a harsh wind blowing through the labyrinth of city streets. Up ahead at a little kiosk, Jill and Angeline were coaxing Eddie into trying some famous Italian ice cream. He was helpless to refuse, Sydney mused quietly. Stuck between the two wide eyed girls, both having captured his affections, he would probably end up buying the entire kiosk and the staff in order to ship it back to the States.

A second Moroi was also with them, standing a few feet away, consulting a map. Sydney's let her eyes rest on him for only a second before looking back to the Colosseum. She ignored the warmth that was spreading through her chest at the sight of Adrian in the city she had always wanted to visit, with her, looking for the next thing for them to go and see. Sydney wasn't a girl who often thought about dreams, let alone dreams coming true, but if there ever was an occasion one _had_, it was this.

It had been Jill's idea to come. Sydney had thought it ridiculous- as if they didn't have enough problems back in Palm Springs - but Jill had begged and begged. A birthday present, she said. And suddenly they were all on a flight and Sydney had no idea how it had been paid for, but didn't think it was from the Alchemists budget.

Jill skipped over to Sydney, leaving Eddie and Angeline behind.

"We're going to the Trevi Fountain next, right?"

"Right," Sydney said. "Just waiting for Adrian to find it."

He looked up, his Moroi hearing catching his name, and caught her eye. She blushed and looked away. He approached them while she made herself busy looking for something in her bag.

"Back on the bus," he said lightly.

They clambered onto the next sightseeing bus that pulled up and climbed to the top deck. The wind was even harsher up there and Sydney started to shiver as she slipped into a seat midway down the open topped double decker. Adrian slid in next to her and she looked away, back towards the architecture. It was so beautiful here, she thought, in an effort to drown out the pounding of her heart against her chest. It wasn't working.

"Here," Adrian had slipped off his jacket and placed it over Sydney's shoulders. Shocked, she looked round and opened her mouth to protest but her words fell short at the look on his face. "You're cold. Please."

She nodded and his body relaxed. The bus started up and headed across the city.

"Aren't you cold?" she asked him. He was only wearing a thin jumper now.

The bus jolted suddenly and she flew into him. His arms snaked around her body, catching her and pulling her against him in an effort to keep them both upright. Sydney's head whipped round to look at Adrian, who was looking down at her with half a pained smile. Her body was pressed up against his chest but she didn't pull away.

"I'm fine," he said, close enough only to have to murmur. Sydney swallowed and his eyes dropped to her throat, watching the movement, then trailed up to her lips. Her tongue darted from her mouth of it's own accord to wet her bottom lip -

The bus stopped and as if pulled from a daze, Sydney pulled away. Adrian let her go, his fingers trailing across her stomach as she sat up. She ignored the thrills she experienced from his touch and stood up. At the front of the bus, Eddie and Angeline were blissfully unaware of what had just transpired between the Alchemist and Moroi, but Jill was looking back at the pair of them with a knowing look.

Sydney stepped past Adrian, handing him back his jacket as she went, and brushed past Jill, quickly descending the bus. She met the other two on the street and they started down the alley towards the fountain. Small market stalls full of art lined the path toward it, and Sydney turned back to call to Adrian, who was trailing behind with Jill, but stopped herself before she could say anything. She turned back and froze, sucking in a deep breath.

The fountain was huge. On her journey around Rome, she had already been amazed by how the old and the new seemed to effortlessly slip together to create a sense of past and present on the same street: the boutiques and busy streets were the kind of thing she'd find in any busy city, but you could look up and find sculptures adorning the walls and suddenly feel overwhelmed with the history of the place. She got that feeling now. The fountain was surrounded by tourist shops and ice cream parlours but the architecture of the fountain was breathtaking.

Her feet were leading her down the steps and around the other tourists before she made the decision to move. She reached the side and curled her fingers gingerly around the edge of the fountain, taking in a deep breath, overwhelmed at the beauty of it all and the fact that she was actually here.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Adrian's voice was close to her ear. Sydney nodded, remaining mute.

Beside them, a young couple were laughing as the girl tried to snap a picture of her boyfriend tossing a coin into the fountain. Adrian's was leaning over her, hands either side of her body, head resting in the alcove of her shoulder and from the corner of her eyes she saw him smile.

"Wanna toss a quarter in?"

Sydney nodded and Adrian stepped back. He fished one from the pocket of his jeans and handed it to her, careful to catch her hand in his own as she took it. Her eyes darted up to his in warning but he only smiled devilishly at her.

"We have to turn around," he said, placing his free hand on her waist and turning her so he stood behind her. He dropped her hand and gently eased her back into him, feeling a shiver run through her body at his touch. Sydney tossed the coin back and squeezed her eyes tight.

"Make a wish?" he murmured. She nodded.

"Hey!"

The couple beside them had noticed them and the girl was smiling widely at them. "Want me to take a picture of you and your boyfriend?" she asked Sydney, indicating to the camera in her hand. Before she could answer, Adrian had nodded and fished Sydney's camera from her bag.

"Hey!" Sydney said, but Adrian only smiled at the girl and thanked her.

"Adrian -"

"We're not in Palm Springs, Sydney," Adrian told her, slipping an arm around her waist and tugging her closer to him. "There's no one to see us here. It's just us, okay?"

Everything told Sydney to step away. This wasn't proper Alchemist behaviour - she should have refused to go on the trip. She should have stayed in the hotel room. She should have been better.

Instead, she wrapped her arm around Adrian.

His smile was like the sun. She looked up at him and he looked down at her and she heard the snap of the camera and flushed, looking back just as the girl took another.

"Thank you," Sydney said, stepping away from Adrian, instantly missing the heat of his body. She took her camera back and placed it back in her bag without looking at the pictures. She'd save them for later, when they were back in Palm Springs and she was Sydney Sage the Alchemist again.


	3. TShirt

_3. T-Shirts_

"I can't believe you did that to me."

Adrian laughed. "Come on, Sage. It's not a big deal."

Sydney looked down at her blouse, now soaked through, sticking to her skin. She pulled it away from her, grimacing. "I'm going to have to go back to school and change."

"What?" Adrian dropped his sponge into the bucket next to the Mustang. "Don't be stupid. It'll dry."

"With what sun?" it was a cloudy day, and Sydney was already starting to feel the effects of the dampness chilling her skin. She shivered.

"I'll give you a shirt," he said, brushing past her and to the door of his apartment. She looked back down at her blouse and sighed heavily, before resting her sponge on the rim of the bucket and following Adrian into the house. She heard it fall into the water with a splash behind her.

"I should have just washed the car myself," Sydney grumbled, following him through the living room and past the kitchen. "You clearly have no respect for that car and -"

"Sage," Adrian said from the other room, "shut up."

She grumbled and crossed her arms. He came back from his room with long sleeved dark blue shirt and handed it to her. She turned and headed to the bathroom and quickly slipped her blouse off and Adrian's shirt on. It was too big for her, so she rolled up the arms several times, but there was nothing to be done about the length. It came to a stop just about her knees, almost as long as her skirt.

She went back to the living room, where Adrian was laying back on the couch, throwing something in the air.

"I look ridiculous."

Adrian's head turned to look at her lazily, and he sat up slowly. When he spoke, his voice sounded constricted. "No, you don't."

Sydney felt suddenly self-conscious. "What?"

"Nothing," he said, locking eyes with her. "I just like seeing you in my shirt, is all."

Later, when Sydney had showered, she looked at herself in the mirror and remembered the way Adrian had looked at her and the way his shirt had felt on her body. It had been too big for her. For once, she hadn't felt like the elephant in the room compared to likes of Jill, who was easily, painfully skinny. And it was stupid. But it meant more to her than she could say.

Legs bare, she slipped on Adrian's shirt again and crawled into bed, curling up in a ball of his musky scent.


	4. The Mechanic

_4. The Mechanic _

The car rolled to a stop, but Sydney's hands remained tight around the wheel.

Adrian's apartment sat before her, but his car did not. She idly distracted herself with wondering where it was as she took the key from the ignition and slipped out, locking it behind her. She approached his door and knocked. No one answered.

She had turned away and was walking back to the car when it opened and Jill looked out.

"Jill?" Sydney asked, shocked at the Dragomir Princess being at Adrian's house. "How did you get here?"

"Adrian picked me up this morning," she said, motioning Sydney back in. "Sorry, we were out the back. Come on in."

Sydney went in, feeling a little relieved she wouldn't have to face Adrian alone. She followed Jill round to the back, where they a found themselves at the Mustang. The bonnet was propped open.

"Adrian?" Jill called.

His head appeared from underneath the bonnet and he walked round at the sight of them. He was wearing a great stained, though once white shirt, and a pair of dark blue jeans that hung low on his hips. He was wiping his hands on a dirty rag and he was sweaty and his toned biceps were covered in grease. Sydney's eyes were the size of dinner plates.

"Sage?" he asked. "What are you doing here?"

"I - uh -" It wasn't often Sydney Sage was speechless. Adrian cocked an eyebrow and she realised she needed to think fast. She looked down at Jill to distract her from - _that_ in front of her and saw she was grinning knowingly at Sydney.

"Adrian was just doing something to the car," Jill said.

Sydney swallowed, hard. "I can see that."

There was a moment of silence, before Sydney spoke again.

"I just came over because - the Alchemists wanted me to ask you a few questions."

"And you couldn't have called?" Jill prodded. Adrian shot her a warning look.

"Sure," he said, tossing the rag aside. "Let me just put the engine back in -"

"You _took out the engine_?!" Sydney squawked.

Adrian chuckled. "Just kidding. I could use a hand though."

Sydney looked down at her smart dress clothes. She didn't want to get oil all over them, but getting the chance to work on a beautiful car like this…

She sighed and pulled up the sleeves of her cardigan. "What do you need?"

Adrian looked pleased as she approached. He explained the problem and Sydney nodded along, listening carefully. She popped the hood and prodded a few things under the bonnet, begin to swelter in the heat of the afternoon sun. The two Moroi were safely tucked away under cover, but she was feeling the full effects. She pushed her hair back impatiently and eventually pulled back.

"I think it's fixed."

Adrian's eyes softened as he looked down at her. His thumb brushed gently against her face before she could stop him.

"You have a bit of oil here," he said quietly, green eyes flaming. She caught her breath, feeling unable to pull away.

"Thank you," she replied, equally as quietly. They stared at each other, his hand still gently cupping her face, feeling the buzz that ricocheted through both of them when they touched. If Sydney had been thinking straight, she would have been thinking what Adrian was - it was so deeply unfair that they should finally find each other and not be allowed to be together. Because of duty. Because of an organisation that used her and put her life in danger, and she accepted the price because of a misguided sense of loyalty to those who hurt her -

Sydney pulled away suddenly and cleared her throat.

He wanted to grab her hand and pull her close but that wasn't an option. So he settled for telling her with his eyes that she was welcome to come over and help with the car any time she liked.


End file.
